Bohemian On A Shoestring

Arts and culture-related events for $15 and under

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Burning Down the House
Event aims to ignite New Yorker’s political idealism with ruckus, reefer, and red vinyl

What: One Night of Fire
Location: Brooklyn Bridge, F Train, Coney Island
Date July 29, 2006
Cost: FREE
Bohemian Factor: Off the charts
Geek Factor: Look no further than the guys sporting hand-shaped baubles that produce the sound of "one hand clapping." Need I say more?

“Hey, look at that,” my friend K announced coyly. “You caught a boy.”

And indeed I had. I apologized to the stranger that I’d inadvertently lassoed with orange streamers, given the wind whipping across the Brooklyn Bridge. They weren’t even my streamers, in fact – I’d been temporarily charged with holding some kind of decorated orange wand, a small favor for the marching woman on stilts (you’ve seen her, perhaps at the Halloween Parade, with the black flapper bob and an aura of athletic invincibility).

Had we been at a more sedate gathering, my accidental captive might have even noticed he was ensnared by brightly colored ribbons, but given the noise, the density of people on the Brooklyn Bridge, and the fact that there were a lot of objects more messy, tactile, and viscous once could rub against than streamers, his attention span, like everyone else's, was under siege.

Aerialists were getting ready to perform, and the bridge was crammed full of people sporting wings, hula-hoops, loudspeakers, antenna and printed exhortations that were either naughty or political. There weren’t yet any harbingers of fire at One Night of Fire, but there were fistfuls of policemen and women lining up the streets of Dumbo, waiting, not impolitely, for the crowds of hundred of neo-hippies to give way to some kind of conflagration, a la RNC-circa-2004 style civic disruption.

Complacent Nation, the organizer of the event, is a group whose actions are intended to be “an exploration of how to live with integrity and creativity in a world gone awry,” marrying an outer borough aesthetic with general rambunctiousness under the banner of political protest.

“This is so civilized,” I said to K. A humid Manhattan 90-something day was dissolving into a perfectly dry breeze, combined with a sunset view of the City skyline. The extroverted friendliness, coming from people whose hairstyles would have frightened me if they were next to me in line, say, at the Shake Shack, gave me a temporary surge of generosity towards my fellow New Yorkers.

It wasn't permanent. In portraying the event to the public, the Complacent Nation web site promises, a moment of awe, a glimpse of the impossible and the intoxication of your nightlife set free.

The moment of awe and glimpse of the impossible were over with pretty quickly, as the dissipation of the crowd gave way to glimpses of shirtless men with neon light sticks enmeshed in their hair, tiara-style, and women in red vinyl shorts over fishnet stockings (“When did that become a good idea?” demanded K, my reliable source of fashionista wisdom). After stopping at a Brooklyn public park, where participants were treated to a cultural bazaar featuring coepoeira, impressive hula-hooping with glow in the dark accessories, and the clean, floral odor of cannabis.

Civilization, meet Stunted Adolescence.

“Is it over?” I asked stupidly, as the ratio of pot smoking to martial arts became more lopsided, right before the masses began militantly marching towards the subway stop (“F Train! F Train!” the crowd was soon roaring. Don’t we all wish public transportation received such enthusiasm in other parts of the country.)

The intoxication component was right around the corner. Within an hour’s time, I’d be crammed into a Coney Island-bound train, with blaring speakers hoisted in gravity-defying positions and people pouring vodka into dixie cups. Sweat condensation was festering on the ceiling and dripping onto happily oblivious passengers, who were busy taping anime-inspired drawings onto the windows. At any stop along the way, a relatively tranquil subway car would be overwhelmed by a stampede of people dashing in from the preceding car. “Ladies and Gentleman!” yelled a tie-dyed woman gleefully into a loudspeaker. “If you see a suspicious package, don't keep it to yourself!" echoing the oft-heard anti-terror refrain usually dispensed by the subway loudspeaker. She received roars of drunken approval for this nugget of good advice. One man began to pound against the windows as if he was trying to escape asphyxiation. Never I have I felt such a pure empathy for MTA employees.

Somewhere near Avenue U, after a ride that could have been an hour-long Dial commercial, I considered just getting off the train, but was seized by an urge to stick it out. When would I have the chance to experience such aesthetic overdrive again? I felt like K and I hadn’t yet capitalized on what Complacent Nation promised us:

A tight cabal of artists, performers and miracle makers has come together to create simple moments of beauty within a massive carnival of fire. Or something like that.

The beach on Coney Island is pleasant at night, and the open asphalt invited a great deal of dancing, courtesy of the Hungry Marching Band, and contraband sparklers, harkening memories of wholesome Midwestern July 4th barbecues. (Mom and Dad, if you could see me now!) Female fire-dancers wore mysterious combinations of clothing to keep from getting burned, such as underwear and no pants, but socks.

The show, though impressive, was truncated when the police arrived, not to stop the party, or the noise, but in fact to discourage the performance, which now involved burning hula-hoops. As the crowd spread out farther and farther, a new restlessness set in, and K and I dug our toes into the sand and silently watched the intricate choreography of marching band, sparklers, and increasingly free-spirited party-goers beginning to wade in the water, described by K as “naked people I really didn’t need to see that naked.”

Good point. At that juncture, without conscious of what I was doing, I began to break out into a sprint back towards the F-train, without so much as informing K of my destination. Some clairvoyant part of my brain had registered, a half a second before my field of vision, a participant so imbued with élan that he was setting a tent on fire, inspiring hundreds of others to run towards the beach in enthusiasm, making my lone, involuntary sprint in the other direction a bit comical.

It was then nearly one in the morning, and there would be a good two hour train ride home on the local. In a world gone awry, it was time to set my nightlife free.

A Little Night Music, A Lot of Nosh
Free opera too populist? Compensate with a million dollar picnic.

What: The Met's Opera In the Park
Location: Central Park and other locations
Date Through September 2, 2006
Cost: FREE
Bohemian Factor: Present, but counterbalanced by the midtown post-workday suit set.
Geek Factor: Many, many opera geeks; all purpose nerds are few and far in between.

For some of us, it is hard not to have a good time at Opera In the Park . Close seats go to early birds, rather than millionaire donors, you can munch down dinner while the orchestra warms up, you can lie down and try to find Orion while Mark Delevan sings an aria. You can enjoy the theater of latecomers trying to find each other with cell phone rings, balloons shaped like Sesame Street characters, and funny little dances in place. You can close your eyes and pretend you just paid $300 for your "orchestra" seat, sans comfortable chair and caption system.

Of course, whether your reasons for being there are rooted in passion for opera, free City events, or big outdoor cocktail parties, there are a couple of conditions that make things more complicated:

-Trying to meet up with anyone.

Woe to the poor soul who arrives at 7:45 pm, with a precious 15 minutes to circumnavigate a labyrinthine maze of tarps, beach chairs, Balducci’s bags, and leap frog over the most elaborately laid out picnic displays I have ever seen. At last Wednesday's performance of Verdi’s “Rigoletto,” one group of pretty young people seems to have an entire cheese-tasting station, complete with different knives for each stinky round of Murray's laid out with cute little plastic wine glasses (goodbye to the enforcement of Central Park’s no alcohol policy), while several families are enjoying a multi-course Italian meal, complete with platters of antipasti and –dear lord – figs wrapped in prosciutto. (Come to think of it, why didn’t I think of this? I begin to feel embarrassed about the Tasti-D-Lite I slurped down while racing to the M4 bus)

Plus, there are extensive police barrier-like divisions between sections of the Lawn laid out with a geometry not unlike the borders of tiny Latin American countries. Upon standing no less than 30 feet from my companions, I am sent by police officers back to the other side of the Lawn, only to have to weave my way back through an even farther distance from the other side, on account of the pathway that has been cleared, presumably, for pedestrian traffic (which would of course, explain, why no one was allowed to traverse it). On top of this, there are picnic baskets, baby baskets, and most treacherous of all – thousands of little tea lights. It’s amazing to me that the Great Lawn is not going up in flames every time someone knocks over a bottle of sun dried tomatoes.

-Having to leave before the end, for any reason. Or even having to move.

It doesn’t matter if you have to call the babysitter, go to the bathroom, or suddenly need to go to an emergency room. The general darkness (there are only stage lights), the evil barriers mentioned above, and the ever-present threat of stepping on someone’s wine and platters, all bestow heaps of redeeming values onto those tea lights that seemed so pesky at the beginning of the evening. The inability to get back to the main paths without a hacksaw or a pair of stilts, now matter how close by, makes finding a comfortable position a do-or-die proposition. (“I enjoyed eet very much,” said a heavily accented European fellow upon thanking me for borrowing a towel, which he had to lay out in a narrow slot between two massive picnicking apparatuses. “But eet was long, too long, I theenk.”)

-You are picky about the voices.

Given all the technical considerations that are taken into consideration when architects build concert halls and opera houses, it is not really fair to expect the Great Lawn to embody accoustic majesty. The Met has set up a sort of central sound-techie headquarters not unlike mission control in Sci-Fi channel low budget series. But this is not the place to discern a subtle shift in the volume dynamics, perfect diction on multi-syllabic explanations or nuanced trills unadulterated by the unexpected crinkles of the miking system. A JFK bound flight rumbles above and someone’s cell phone is sure to start regurgitating some 80's pop song.

Did I say I love opera in the park? The City skyline glitters in the distance over the Great Lawn, and when Delevan -playing the court jester, Rigoletto - sings an agonizing cry recalling the curse he's been doomed to fulfill, you forget where you are entirely, until a plane flies overhead. Or someone steps on a plastic wineglass.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Culture Wars

Is the NY Times's non-stop weekend of culture for the hoi polloi or the jet set?



(above) PS 1's Primordial Soup-like Outdoor Sculpture, during a Warm Up party

So, several weeks ago, the New York Times had an obnoxious but well-intentioned article entitled “All Culture; All the Time.” A journalist apparently spent $1260 for a nonstop weekend of doing all of NYC’s cultural entertainments and reported back with blow-by-blow reporting on the fabulous things he crammed into one weekend. I’m not exactly sure whether the intention is to trigger envy or revulsion or a combination of both.

On the one hand, this clearly represented a great opportunity to publicize the undiscovered gems of the five boroughs. But given the cost of the foray, and the fact that the Met Museum of Art, the American Ballet Theater, the Guggenheim, and a Broadway show “The History Boys,” don’t really need much more in the way of publicity, the article was not really for the adventurer or the deal seeker. On the other hand, even among those who could afford a weekend like this one, we are told early on that they wouldn’t want to. With a “kids say the darndest things” invocation of cuteness, our columnist shares the fact that his daughters were dreading the ballet until they became enamored of those graceful air born boy ballerinas, but maddeningly refuses to comment on whether or not, after his whirlwind tour, he has a rebuttal for his friends and family who told him that his weekend “sounds like hell.”

To be sure, he does go to some lesser known choices, such as the Francis M. Neumann Gallery, currently showcasing female Dada artists, but other attempts at cheaper or less usual choices seem half hearted: he ends up at the Neumann Gallery because the Moma’s male-centric Dada exhibit is too crowded; he gives up on the highly touted (but free!) Chelsea show "Helter Swelter" at the Oliver Kamm because it is closed on the weekends. (Though you’d think one of the New York Times editors would have tipped him off on the fact that NYC’s galleries are closed on Saturdays in the summer?) And really, any bohemian on a shoestring out there could easily beat that hefty figure and get just as much culture.

While I can’t link directly to the article (oh, you stick in the mud, Times Select!) I’m tempted to follow in the tradition of trendy health food magazines: a despondent reader provides their favorite recipe and the magazine produces its own version, replacing every ounce of lard with egg substitute, applesauce, tofu and voila! A dramatic reduction in calories, and the despairing housewife informs the readers how much it tastes just the like dear old aunt Tillie’s recipe for Fried Cheese Pudding Tarts. (Although for total transparency, I am presuming our New York Times reporter got the best available seats without resorting to discount codes, etc, in order to ring up that whopping final figure) Additionally, his costs may have also blown up on the fact he was taking along family members. At any rate, I've made the following calculations made on individual admissions.

Here are just a few alternatives...(No, I don't know why there's this annoying gap below; I shall repair when back from the midwest!)























































New York Times Price
"Shoestring" alternative Price
Guggenheim Museum $18
PS 1 Warm Up Party – Cheap wine, hot dogs, precocious controversial artists, funky outdoor sculpture (see above), and a diverse range of twenty and thirty-somethings $10
American Ballet Theatre “Le Corsaire” $160 (orchestra seats)
Summerstage (featuring “Noche Flamenca” in July) or Lincoln Center Out of Doors Free
The Metropolitan Museum of Art $20
The Isamu Noguchi Museum “Best of Friends: Buckminster Fuller and Isamu Noguchi” $10
The History Boys $105 (orchestra seats)
catching a show at The New York Fringe Festival $15
“Keep it Quiet” screening at Lincoln Center $10
River to River Festival’s free outdoor movie series (“Rear Window” is to be played on 8/29) Free
Bargemusic classical music concert $35
Sunday classical music concerts at MoMA’s sculpture garden Free
Dale Chihuly exhibit at the New York Botanical Garden $20
Flux Factory's comic-inspired installation “Opolis” Free (Open for most of July but – as I am writing this, sadly past- they should have another installation on view soon)
School of the Americas (LAByrinth Theater) $50
I actually dislike diverting future audiences from an off-Broadway play, but if I must name an alternative in diatribes against violent, evil regimes, the punk version of Titus Andronicus at The Tank should do nicely. $10
“Bodies” Exhibit at South Street Seaport Museum $8
The “SKRAWL” exhibit of mutant animals at New York Public Library Free
Grand Total $486
Grand Total $45